Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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