I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I see more hoeing in ur future
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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