So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
