Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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