i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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