think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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