when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
