His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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