24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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