He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
