It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
