I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
