Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
