just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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