Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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