I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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