During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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