Dual....:-)
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
