Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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