just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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