how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You need Xanax blowdarts
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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