I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
