He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize