it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
