she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
