Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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