ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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