Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
