Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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