I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
