OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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