is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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