Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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