If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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