We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
