I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Acid is not a monday night drug
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
