once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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