the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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