Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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