She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
