She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
