none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She's JV to your varsity
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
