I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
