I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
