She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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