Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
