I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize