im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
