are you so shy because you have an std?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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