I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
