in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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