you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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