dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
