when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
