I cockslap morals
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
