saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize