I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
