I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
