you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
