It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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