It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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