Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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