apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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