ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
