I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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