dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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