I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
