piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
