Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
