Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize