the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
