the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
