I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!