none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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