You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I want is dick and wine.
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone