if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
