If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.