I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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