he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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