wanna go halves on a baby?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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