he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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